Don’t be fearless, but fear less!

Before I started travelling, people asked me: “Andrea, are you sure you want to quit your stable job to travel the world?” “What are you going to achieve by doing that?” and “What will you do after that? You might not find a job like that again!”.

The fear of letting go

All of above questions did not make it easier for me to overcome my fear of quitting my job, giving up my apartment and selling a great deal of my stuff. There were a few people, however, that asked me different questions. They had a complete different message.

One of them was my old boss at SEA LIFE, Britta. She was the best boss I ever had. She told me: “Andrea, Listen up. By doing this – quitting your job and following your dreams you will achieve more than most other people ever will in their lives!”.

First, I thought, she is just being nice, encouraging me, because I was in doubt and overwhelmed with fear. I strongly felt I needed to achieve something. Start a business. Learn Chinese. Anything that was accepted on the business- or work side of things. But being on the road for 10 months now. It finally came to me, that I achieved something much more important. I have trained myself to face my fears, and do it anyway. Britta was right all along!

The fear of no security

Quitting my job forced me to give up my “imagined security”. Why is security imagined? Because there is no such thing as security in life. The only thing that is absolute certain on this earth, is that we will all die one day (and even that might not be true in the future any more). Companies go bankrupt, merge with other companies, jobs get cut and people get fired.

I trained my fear of letting go, by selling a lot of stuff, I didn’t really needed in the first place. And boy did I have a lot! I think collecting and holding on to things was my strategy to give me a sense of security. To challenge that, was a difficult thing to do. I sold online, on a flee market and donated lots of things to charities. I still have more than enough left. But this was so liberating!

I faced the fear of making big decisions without knowing the outcome. All I knew was that I would leave and travel. I bought a one way ticket to Tenerife and from there it all started.

The fear of travelling alone

Only recently I spoke to a dear friend, who wrote: “I have many countries, I would love to visit..but not by myself” This means she chooses not to follow her dreams, because she did not have someone to come with her. In her case it was not that easy, because she has a wonderful husband and small children. But many people are alone and still don’t find the courage to go for it.

Don’t get me wrong. I was afraid travelling by myself in Brazil, Chile, Argentina and Colombia. But I knew it was the thing I wanted and had to do. You know what is weird about that? If you have this inner voice that knows that this is what you want to do; the fear just goes away and only comes to visit you once in a while.

There were moments I was afraid. Living alone in an apartment in Santiago de Chile was scary. Walking home at night alone in Buenos Aires was sometimes scary too. Getting into a taxi at night in Colombia was a little edgy. But the more I dared; the less fear I had. The only country I felt in constant alert state was in Brazil. But I didn’t wear any earrings, did not take a handbag or mobile phone and just stuffed some money into my bra. And everything was fine.

Many people are just too afraid of changes: to break up a relationship even if it makes them unhappy, quit their jobs and to start something new, like going on a big journey.

The fear of flying

While I am writing this, I am at the airport of Chiang Mai. Today I will fly to Kuala Lumpur, because I need to do an visa run. The other possibility to do this, is to go on a mini bus for 9 hours to Laos. In the past I would have chosen any other opportunity over flying. As long as I can remember I have been afraid of flying.

Because there is hardly another way to see South America and other “far away” countries. I needed to face that fear. I have now flown more times than the fingers on my both hands can count.

Hypnosis

Before I left, I went to hypnosis to help me overcome it. But I am not sure this really helped.  The only thing that helped is to just do it  (best slogan in the world). I still do not like it. And there are times, that my old feelings of panic come back. But I also have flights now, where I do not really think about my fear anymore. The only thing that can make it better, is to get on the plane and do it. Even if you are terrified!

I have some tricks and tips that have helped me:

• Pick an isle seat (you do not feel the movement of the plane as strong as when you are sitting at the window. It is easier to pretend you are not in a plane and you can get up and do not feel like sitting in a box).
• Pick a seat close to an emergency exit. It is all in your head. And when the plane crashes, you probably will not survive it. But sitting  a row away from an emergency exit just makes you feel better. So why not make it a little better if you can?
• Distract yourself: Watch a movie, read a book. Dream you are at the beach.
• If starting and landing is the worst for you too: Close your eyes and pretend you are lying on the green grass and the sun is shining in your face. If you need a picture in your head that goes with the movement. Pretend you are on a train or a bus. Or pretend you are Nils Holgersson and flying on the back of a giant bird. Sound hilarious, but I feel less afraid thinking in a fairytale style

The fear of the Ocean

Those who know me, know that I love water and swimming. But if it comes to oceans and lakes where I can not see the bottom I am a hero on socks (Dutch expression for being a chicken). When I was a child a stepped into a sea eagle and all the needles needed to be pulled out of my foot – one by one. I do not know if this is the reason for my fear, but I have been afraid of going into any other water than a swimming pool as long as I can remember. The most scary of swimming in the ocean is that there could be sharks (don’t laugh!). The movie in my head starts with the giant white sharks that comes up out of the middle of nowhere and pulls me under water and drags me away. If this movie in my head starts; I panic completely and all I can think of is to run out of the ocean.  I am still very afraid, but I keep trying. In Koh Tao I even swam with baby black tip sharks! Getting there!

My tips and tricks:

• Get in the water!
• Try how far you can go. If you need to go out, that is fine. Just get back in again and try again!
• Ask someone to come with you. You will feel so much better.
• Use snorkeling glasses in clear water to see what is going on underneath and around you.
• Take a swim noodle or something that you can hold on too even when you are a good swimmer. It makes you feel more comfortable.

 

The fear of not being (good) enough

I think I can write a book about this topic! (no my book is not about that 😉 ) Most people I know suffer from this huge fear of just not being good enough. Not being enough to be successful. Not being enough to be loved and not being enough to live and deserve a happy life.

A few months ago, Marlies a friend of mine told me that I need to be nice to myself. I need to be sweet to myself. I did not really know how to do that. But in the last two months I have started to understand that better. If I am not taking care of myself, than who will?

I have started exercising every day and changing my diet. I started to work on installing new habits and challenging old beliefs. I am still at the beginning of this path, but I have learned that the only thing limiting me, are the beliefs I have about myself. And the only one that can change these is….me!

What have I achieved?

Since i started travelling many of my fears have gone away or have gotten a lot smaller. I am so much more healthy now. Taking care of my body. Listening to it and respecting my limits. I have never had a strong constitution and many times I just kept going not respecting that I need a rest.

I have met so many incredible new people. I have heard so many inspiring ideas. I have seen many amazing places and I have tasted the best food of my life. I have danced, like there is nobody watching and sang as if nobody was listening.

I woke up almost every day with a smile on my face. Eager to get up and see what the new day has in store for me.

This bird is no longer chained. It is not quite ready to fly, but it is a free bird. It is spreading its wings….

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

I have shared so much about my fears. I would be interested to hear about yours. Please leave me a comment and let me know, what you are doing (or will start to do) to look your fears in the eye!